yesterday was so bad
i cannot believe i actually managed to do something like that
i am usually a total sweetheart and i never end up like this
but i was not aware...
i was raised around people online who would kinda normalize guilt tripping
that and the whole "big kids don't cry" mentality in my tween years
i get that may not exactly tie into it but..
it can kinda lead to this behavior. also ive seen people use manipulative tactics on me and i did not realize it until now
i can't believe it took this long but now i actually know what manipulation is
i don't know why it took me so long, i thought it was just like "forming someone into something they're not"
nah theres a full on emotional complex i completely missed. something i should have known when i was much younger
i was playing the victim, guilt tripping, and exaggerating. and i didn't know it.
i am putting a full-stop to this behavior immediately, i genuinely did not know and now i have learned from it
i don't remember what exactly taught me these tactics, maybe tense moments with my family... and lots of trauma
to anyone who may have been affected: i am deeply sorry, it won't happen again
i know better now and i will prevent this from happening in the future
